So sometime last year during tech (I think it was during.. play…?) the techies decided to make us various avatar characters. I mean what else are you gonna do backstage for a couple hours?
So after much deliberation, Squeaky became….
-insert drumroll-
THE CABBAGE MAN.
I mean, we all love the cabbage man. In all seriousness, he is the best character in the entire series, more or less, right? I mean he is just so… AWESOME.
Squeaky did not feel the same way. I really don’t honestly understand why, I mean we all loved the cabbage man. Why didn’t he?
So anyways, moving on, Marisa and I decided that for Squeaky’s graduation gift, we should get him cabbages as a celebration of his being the cabbage man. So after asking Felicia for his work hours, we decided to invade P&C or Tops or whatever it is.
Strolling past the giant billboard thingy advertising cabbages for 69 cents a pound (teehee…) we went to go search for Squeaky. Because of course, we had to ask him “Where are YOUR CABBAGES?!” Just like that, with the caps. Alas, we could not find him after looking through the entire store. So what are a pair of asians to do? We go up to the front desk and ask for Squeaky. Not for Andrew, but for Squeaky. Is it sad that the person knew what we were talking about? So the guy at the front calls for Andrew Metz, and after a few minutes, Squeaky in his cabbagy glory comes towards us. He comes about within 5 meters of us, sees us, and runs away.
:(
I didn’t think that we were that scary….
So after about a half hour of trying to get him to talk to us, we finally corner him screaming that we are paying customers. I mean, OBVIOUSLY, he had to do his job if we wanted to know where the cabbages were.
Anyways, he didn’t get it. So we got two cabbages for 69 cents a pound and went to go wrap them. Because we were good asians.
So in my rather scary basement, I have a lot of boxes because I like to tear them apart and make forts and houses and tunnels around my entire house with them until my parents scream at me (every other week) but that’s beside the point.
We found a wii box that fit the two (rather large) cabbages very nicely. It was a wii combo pack, and we thought it was great. So after stuffing the two cabbages in there, we realized that we had to put it in the fridge, if we didn’t want them to spoil before Squeaky’s party. If anyone knows me and how I grocery shop, it was not a good idea. But if anyone knows me and my amazing food packaging skills, you’ll understand it was okay. So we managed to fit the entire wii box in the fridge (do not ask why we didn’t just take the cabbages out, you will get no answer) before realizing: “Oh no! what if someone eats them!” since we were going out after. So I went and found a handy dandy college letter and taped it onto the box saying “Do Not Eat”. We took many pictures and sent them to Jessica Bain, who proceeded to facepalm and shake her head. (Someday, her face will become very flat and her neck very sore.)
We then went and did Asian things.
On the day of Squeaky’s party, we made cards for him (hand drawn!) and we wrapped the cabbage box. Marisa’s parents were very amused.
On the card there were two pictures, one with Cindy and Marisa very happy and Squeaky dying in a pool of blood in crayon (Drawn by Cindy) and a picture of Cindy and Marisa very happy with Squeaky huddling in a corner somewhere, forever scarred (Drawn by Marisa). We even wrote “Happy Graduation !” on the front with block letters! (Again, in crayon).
When we gave our gift to Squeaky, he unwrapped the gift and thought that we had gotten him a wii. Humph! As if two asians who are too cheap to buy cabbage not on sale would spend that much money on HIM. And he was like… “You guys DID NOT get me a wii..” And then he opened the box and found the beautiful cabbages. He was not pleased.
We don’t think he quite got it. Anyways, he looked at our card, and apparently, he didn’t like our drawings, and he burned the card. :(
It was very sad, we worked very hard on it.
He then shot one of the cabbages. But I do believe he kept the other one and adores it and pets it, like a good cabbage man should.
And he kept the box.
I don’t know why.
And that is the story of Cindy and Marisa buying cabbages for the cabbage man.
… Because Marisa told me to put it on tumblr as well.
